Reflections on My Last Chemo

My sister Denise, me, Mom and Dad

Monday was my last chemo treatment.  It was a bit bittersweet.  The staff at Northwest Georgia Oncology are wonderful and I will miss my three-week rotation scheule with them.  I will also miss the time of reflection with God the week after treatment.  But I am extremely happy that chemo is over and I can move on to the next phase of recovery.  God certainly blessed me during my treatments.  The side effects were not pleasant, but I found them to be manageable.  I know that not all patients are that lucky so I feel very fortunate. 

My sister Denise and my parents George and Revaughn traveled down from North Carolina to be with me.  It was nice to have them here and share in the experience.  Maria was the first nurse that handled my chemo infusion and I was excited to have her care for me at my last session.  Maria's personality turned the session into a fun and happy experience.

So in the spirit of continuing to find joy in my cancer, I am on the quest to find someone to henna up my head.  So if you know of someone who does henna tattoos, please let me know:)

Nurse Maria and me

Going Beyond Mere Belief

Disclaimer:  Chemo-brain is getting me today and I cannot attest to proper spelling or grammar.  Please forgive mistakes:)

One of my goals during this time of recovery has been to dig deeper into discovering who God is and what it means to be in a relationship with him.  For some time my heart has been burdened with the thought that there is more to my relationship with God and Christ than to just say I believe. After all even the demons believe in God (James 2:19).  But they are still demons so their belief does not positively change their lives or bring them closer to God.  So does my relationship with God stop at my belief or is there more?  Don't get me wrong, salvation comes from our faith in Christ being the risen son of God that died for the forgiveness of our sins, but does God have something bigger and better in store for us if we go beyond just believing?

I have been on a request to go beyond the mere verbal commitment to believe that Christ is who is says he is, that he died and rose for the forgiveness of my sins, and that if I have faith in this I am saved.  I don't want to just stop there, because just stopping with that verbal commitment gets me no closer to experiencing God on a personal level, and I believe that we can experience God on a personal level.  I believe that God wants to come down and be actively present in our lives if we make the place for him. But if I live my life in just that statement that "I believe" and leave it there, it is just a statement like I believe if I eat better I will be healthier; I believe if I exercise more I will be stronger; I believe if I reach out more to my friends I will have better more authentic relationships.  I can believe all I want but does mere belief move me closer to what I want?

Or is something more required of me?  After making a commitment to believe in God, what is the next step?  Obviously we are to obey God's commands.  But what are his commands and can we prioritize them? Jesus makes it pretty easy for us when he answered the question when it was posed to him and he responded :  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. ⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments. (Matthew 22:37-40).

So at the heart of it is LOVE.  God values LOVE.  God love us.  God wants us to LOVE him.  So that was my challenge, how can I love and grow closer to God?

For me that verse called the Greatest Commandment was a good starting point along with verses about facing trials with joy (James 1), and giving all my worries to God (Philippians 4:6-7).  But my soul is thirsty for a greater understanding of living a holy life pleasing to God.  So I went in search of those seeking the same.  What I found were some authors whose hearts desired to know God.  Two of them are old school, but oh so relevant to today.  I wanted to share those readings with you in case you too are thirsty for more of God and a greater relationship with him.

A.W. Tozer:  The Pursuit of God:  The Human Thirst for the Divine
Now this book was written around 1948, but it speaks just as clearly today.  Tozer writes beautifully poetic and gripping truth about the state of human nature, the human heart and the hard work we need to do in our lives if we want to draw closer to God. He ends each chapter in a heartfelt prayer that we can use again and again in our quest to know God.  Tozer makes it clear that that God has a personality and we can know his personality and personally experience God working in our lives. And this is exactly what God himself wants, for us to desire to know him and to be in relationship with us.  But to get there we have hard work to do on ourselves.  While God gives us faith and helps us in our journey toward him, we have to do the hard work in recognizing, confessing, and sacrificing to God our self-sins like pride, self-ambition, self-pity, self-confidence, self-sufficiency, self-admiration, self-love, just to name a few.  I have read this book twice and I am sure it will read it again and again.  In fact I have just downloaded another of his books to read called the Mystery of the Holy Spirit.  I am looking forward to reading this book because in The Pursuit of God, Tozer comments on how the holy spirit is the one we should call out to for strength when we are facing trials because the Holy Spirit is within us and waiting and wanting to be of assistance.

Andrew Murray - Humility: The Beauty of Holiness
Andrew Murray wrote in the late 1800s, but like Tozer his message is just as relevant today.  Jesus taught a lot about humility and how it is a key to living a life like Christ's and growing closer to God. He underscores how humility is the opposite of pride, which is a big stumbling block in our lives.  After reading this book, I was able to identify pride and other self sins more clearly in my life and understand how they interfere in my relationship with God.  Now that I can see them, I can be proactive in confessing those sins and asking for help in removing their grip from my life.

Based upon this book, I downloaded Murray's The True Vine:  Meditations for a Month on John 15:1-16.  It is essentially a verse by verse break down of the parable including what it means to abide in Christ and the benefits of God's discipline.  I love it.

Ann Voskamp - One Thousand Gifts:  A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are
I have mentioned this book before.  Ann can be difficult to read because she is so poetic, but at the heart of her book, she shares that to find true connection with God, to experience all he has in store for us, we need to be able to give thanks to God for everything, even the bad things that happen in our life.  It think it is a great read for someone questioning God about the pain in their life, or why God is not following their plan.  Taking a position of thanksgiving for my trials has given me a positive attitude, reduced my stress, and brought me closer to God. 

I share all this informaiton because I am so excited about what God is revealing to me and I want my friends and family to experience the same.

All of these books can be found as Nook ebooks.  It has also been my experience that Family Christian Book Store and Books-A-Million have a great collection of Christian books.

Blessings to you all.  Let me know if you read any of the books. I would love to hear your feedback.